2.12.2014

Eighty-five.

Eighty-five days until I graduate.

Eighty...five...days. Wow!


I remember when I was just contemplating going back to school. It was about this time two years ago. I was stuck in this dead-end job and school seemed like the obvious way out. So, with a little prodding from family, August 2012 came and I went.


Going back to school has been a tremendous blessing. It was nothing and yet, everything I imagined it would be. I thank God I was able to attend Abilene Christian. The people I've met, the things I've learned, the places I've been able to go...I'll never forget this time in my life.


Now, I'm sure I'll post about school and all that it's meant soon, but today, it's about what comes after I walk the stage, after I'm hooded, after the diploma is in my hands.


It's simple, really: I HAVE NO IDEA.


Eighty-five days and I have no idea what I will be doing on day 86. Well, that's a bit of an exaggeration. My internship ends in July so I will know what I'll be doing on day 86, but you know what I mean.


I have some inklings, some wants, some dreams. But no concrete plans.


And I have to tell ya: it's miserable and magical at the same time. (If you got the song lyric, we need to be best friends. If you didn't...uh, stop reading, please. Haha. I kid. I kid. Please continue, everyone.)


In case you're not a Taylor Swift fan, let me explain how something can be both miserable and magical (the ending of Merlin, anyone?) at the same time:


On one hand, I love knowing that I don't have to know everything. I love knowing that God's my front and rearguard...that he'll lead me where I'm supposed to be without a (needed) worry from me. I mean, come on, he created all that we see and more, I'm sure he can handle my post-grad adventure with no problem. So for that, I am thankful. I'm thankful that he hears my prayers, that he knows my likes and dislikes. I'm thankful that all things work together for my good, even things I mess up. I'm thankful that while I may often times be in the dark about life, God is never lost, clueless, shocked, or surprised by anything that happens.


But...on the other hand, I hate (dislike?) not knowing his plans. Yes, yes, I know what I just said up there about knowing that they are good plans. And good plans, I'm sure they will be. However, when I go on (good) adventures, I still like to know where I'm going, how I'm getting there, how much money I'll need for the trip, what activities I'll do while I'm there, when I'll be returning. I like to plan with a capital P. Or I guess, I just like to KNOW the plan. Now, don't get me wrong: I'm okay with God planning my life, because he'll do a far better job than I could ever do on my own, but sometimes I wish he didn't hold his cards so close to his chest.


Misery and magic aside, life is not meant to be lived knowing the end from the beginning. There would be no faith in knowing every twist and turn in the road ahead. You would not have to trust that God had good plans intended for you, if you were able to peek ahead to the last page and see for yourself. (Side rant: If you're one of those people that reads the last page of a book before you get there...we can no longer be friends. Sort of serious. Haha. End rant.)


So eighty-five days from now:


I will walk the stage.

I will be hooded.
I will receive a diploma in my hands.

And with or without plans, I will be secure in His everlasting love. Trusting in His infinite faithfulness. Believing in His perfect goodness. Knowing that come what may, His plans for my life have been ordained and my steps ordered. 

2 comments:

  1. Really glad this popped up in my facebook feed. After seeing a little bit of your passion for people who most overlook, I get the feeling that whatever happens next will be world-changing for the people you meet. Look me and Kirby up sometime when you swing through Abilene, we're always down to catch up!

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    Replies
    1. Ah thanks, Drew! I appreciate you taking the time to comment! I am trying to come to Abilene soon. If you guys would quit it with snow storms, I'd be there. Haha. Hope things are well!

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