6.02.2014

6 things NO does not mean.


This post might make you laugh, so I want to preface the humor with a disclaimer: I am truly frustrated that we live in a world where the word no has no face value. Where a person's words and wishes can be cast to the side and violated all because Mr. (or Ms.) Entitled never learned that you don't always get your way. It is not funny, cute, or acceptable to ignore a person (woman, or otherwise) when they tell you no. EVER. I'll say it again...no person should ever have to be afraid for their safety because they rejected someone's advances.

I'm sorry if you watched too many Hollywood movies growing up, but ignoring the girl's or guy's obvious rejection (whether by words or actions or body language) does not lead to a Happily Ever After kiss in the pouring rain moment like Noah and Allie had in the The Notebook. It's a movie.



Yes, I'm sure you can tell us all about how that happened to your cousin Pookie's best friend's baby daddy's little sister and her creepy, pedophile boyfriend...but that's the exception. Not the rule.

Write this down. It'll come in handy in life: Don't you ever touch a black man's radio or assume that you are the exception. Statistically speaking, life does not work like that...that's why it's called an exception! The odds are NOT in your favor.



You are always, always, always the rule and should live as such, unless the person that said no comes back to you, without a gun to their head and says "Hey, you know what, I changed my mind. I would actually like to give my consent for whatever the aforementioned proposition was." If you don't hear those words come out of their mouth... Forget about it.

I know that there are those of you who still don't get it, so let me try to break it down further with mazes, coloring areas, and pop-up pictures. It'll be fun.

There are at least six things the word no does not ever mean. I promise. You can take these to the bank.


1. No does not mean YES. 



Not in any language and not even on opposite day. Trust me...if I want something, I'll voice it. I would not turn down a "good" "strong" individual like yourself, if I was interested.

2. No does not mean TRY HARDER.


Trying harder will warrant the exact opposite reaction from me that you're thinking... Unless, you think that it will annoy me and cause me to write a blog post... In which case, do proceed... because you're right on the money.

3. No does not mean ASK ME AGAIN.


If I was not impressed by your first attempt, believe me, I will not slowly warm up to the idea just because you say it again.

4. No does not mean ASK ME AGAIN...AT A LATER TIME.

 

I am not in a funk or a mood. I am not stuck up. I am not a man-hater. I am not PMS'ing. I am not playing hard to get. I am, however, not interested. Asking me on a different day, month, or even year will NOT make me change my decision.

5. No does not mean ASK ME AGAIN. EVER. 

 

Your persistence will NOT wear me down. I assure you. I will last longer than you can. Save your breath. I'm not listening.

6. No does not mean REWORD THE QUESTION. 


I am an intellectual human being. That's hopefully one of the reasons why you're talking to me. That being said, I understood the request the first time. I said no the first time. It is my final answer. No need to change up the wording in an effort to pull one over on me.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm sure there are plenty more... but for the sake of time and space. These will do.

So, to recap what we've learned... if you've already told someone your feelings, intentions, or wants... and if in turn, they have already told you no, negative, heck no, hmm better not...

*Gifs from tumblr and reactiongifs
If you have any more things that NO does not mean, share them in the comments. Gifs optional.

9 comments:

  1. 6 DON’TS that you should always do.

    This post did make me laugh, so much so I had to respond; but I also must preface my response with a disclaimer: I am truly frustrated that we live in a world where a person’s word has no face value. Where a person's word is as fleeting as the day, all because Ms. Entitled/Elite never learned that you shouldn’t make promises you can’t, or even worse, never intended to keep. It is not funny, cute, or acceptable to use and then abandon a friend (or any other person) once they believe in you and your promises. EVER.

    Oh, and by the way, if visiting someone (a friend, or so I thought, and former co-worker) for the first time in two months, in a public setting, at their place of employment, during working hours, accompanied by a supervisor, for the purpose of saying HI and to drop off an Easter/Graduation basket along with a hand written letter (which were both readily and openly accepted by the way), makes someone afraid for their safety, well then little girl, I would say you’ve got a lot more problems to worry about then a sock-monkey wielding mad man. It would actually be very funny if it wasn’t so sad. Just sayin’…

    Until now, I have treated you with nothing but honor, dignity, and respect; but clearly you do not understand that concept. I have been a complete gentleman at every turn and I have done nothing wrong. Yes, I am a good person and I don’t need you to validate that for me, but thanks anyway. I accepted your no when it was given and have not gone there since. AT ALL. That issue has long been buried and forgotten (at least by me). You have overreacted since the beginning and now your neuroticism is out of control. Dealing with your fears and insecurities is your issue, not mine. Just because you don’t know how to handle your own shortcomings is no reason to drag others into your sick, sad, delusional world. Though YOUR perceptions are indeed YOUR reality, they are not, necessarily, (and in this case NOT AT ALL) true reality. Realize the difference. Traveling down this path of lies is nothing more than a blatant attempt at character assassination. I do not wish to go there with you but if you insist, then go there we will. And it will not be pretty. Believe me. Do you forget who you are dealing with? Do you forget where I come from? Getting down and dirty is right up my alley and something I excel at if need be. I assure you. I will last longer in this type of battle than you would ever dream possible. I would imagine that being the defendant in a slander lawsuit wouldn’t be the best way to begin a career in social work. You’re out of your league here, little girl, so do what you do best and quit this part of the fight before it even gets started.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sorry that you watched too many Hollywood movies growing up (as evidenced by your overuse of movie references), and that you read too many fantasy novels in your lifetime (as evidenced by your fantasy-style of writing), because what that has done is left you with a delusional, perverse sense of reality, little girl. People are not just moving props, at your disposal for you to arrange and re-arrange for your own little-girl amusement. People are actually living, breathing, creatures of God (just like yourself), with their own feelings and emotions (ummm, yeah, maybe you can’t relate to that part…sorry), and should be treated as human beings AT ALL TIMES. Not just when it is convenient for you. And not just as pawns in your own little-girl fantasy existence.

      Yes, I'm sure you can get your sister’s, sister’s, sister’s daddy’s cousin-in-law’s niece and nephews best friend’s children’s pastor’s mother’s mother’s sister…wait, who????...to tell us all what a wonderful, caring, person you are to everybody. But they don’t see how you are with everybody. They just know how you are with them. And they’re your support system, the very enablers who allow you to continue on living in your own neurosis, in your own little-girl fantasy existence. Which, by the way, is very unhealthy. Not to mention very creepy and sociopathic. They’re the ones you would never show your true dark side to, so they wouldn’t know. But to the rest of us (and by “the rest of us” I actually mean “me”)….hmmmmm…you ARE NOT truly as you seem to be!! Are you, little girl?? Certainly, a "good" "strong" “Christian” individual like yourself should be able…wait a minute…A "good" "strong" “Christian” individual like yourself?? (you??...bahahahahahahahaha)…let’s just forget this sentence, sorry my bad!!

      I really did enjoy reading this post, but then again I’ve always loved good works of fiction, which is exactly what all your posts are, works of fiction (Fiction: the form of any work that deals, in part or in whole, with information or events that are NOT REAL, but rather, imaginary and theoretical—that is, invented by the author). Okay, enough with all this foolishness. Lets’s have some fun!! Because for those who truly know me (which means not you), I’m all about having fun!!! (Do you remember fun?)

      For those of us (and by “those of us” I mean “those of you”) (and by “those of you” I actually only mean “you, Ms. Thang!!) (and by “Ms. Thang!!” I actually mean “NOT!!”) still stuck in the middle-school aged schoolgirl mentality, I’ll try to break it down as simply as possible. Though, admittedly, I’m not any good at mazes, coloring areas, and pop-up pictures. But even so, it’ll still be fun. So let’s go LITTLE GIRL!!!

      Delete
  3. There are at least six Don’ts that you should always do. Doing these Don’ts regularly, making them your rule and not the exception (because believe me, you are not the exception to anything but rather the very ordinary, unexceptional rule), will come in handy in life. I promise. You can take these to the bank. You might even wanna write these down.

    1) DON’T MISREPRESENT yourself in the beginning.

    Don’t try to live in the big girl’s world when you’re still a little girl. As we have all learned recently, level of education or numbers of degrees earned DOES NOT necessarily correspond to current maturity level. Probably shouldn’t step out into the big girl world until you’re ready to step out of your pull-ups and training bra and into some big girl panties. Get it, little girl?

    2) DON’T MISINTERPRET the world due to your personal delusions.

    Other’s intentions are not up for your interpretations. They are meant to be taken as they are intended by that person. Example: Two people enjoy each other’s friendship with regular breaking of bread and water, and one day Friend A asks Friend B if they could introduce some meat into their meals, which greatly offends Friend B. Friend B says, “NO WAY, NO MEAT and to take it a step further no more bread and water either!! Now get out!!” Friend A is very much okay with no meat and never brings it up again, but really misses the bread and water with Friend B. So after some time, he asks if he could break bread and water with her again. Friend B’s response? “I said NO MEAT; didn’t you hear me the first time??” “But I’m not asking for meat, I was wondering about the bread and water.” “I SAID NO MEAT!!! What part of NO MEAT don’t you understand? Now get out!!” Friend B has taken ONE SINGULAR ASPECT of their relationship and let it overshadow and destroy their previously rewarding friendship. A sad, delusional, little-girl misinterpretation by Friend B.

    3) DON’T assume SILENCE will voice your true intentions.

    You see, in order for communication to be effective you must first have…wait for it…here it comes…communication!! Wow, imagine that!! What a concept!! And contrary to popular belief (and by “popular belief” I mean “your belief, and your belief alone”), silence IS NOT a very effective form of communication. And don’t “source out” your responses to scripture, or things you’ve read, or things you’ve heard, or to The Bible. Let YOUR lips do the talking. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Silence leaves the door open for differing interpretations. Got it, little girl?

    ReplyDelete
  4. 4) DON’T deflect BLAME or fail to take RESPONSIBILITY for your actions.

    “Well, then you can’t blame me for my response.” That’s giving ME an out?? What?? No, absolutely not, that’s giving YOU an out, little girl. And it’s really not even a good out. The very nature of that statement tells everyone that you know your upcoming response IS WRONG, even to you, but you’re gonna go with it anyway. What a cowardly existence. I am truly sorry that someone or something hurt you so bad in your past, but that DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT to take out your pain on others. Take responsibility for your own actions, little girl. After all, they’re your actions, not someone else’s.

    5) DON’T MISREPRESENT yourself again & again & again.

    Okay, so even after you say no to a friend’s advances, a no which he graciously and respectfully accepts WITHOUT ANY MORE TALK OF THAT IDEA EVER EVER EVER AGAIN, you continue to smile and laugh with him (at least to his face), pleasantly get along with him (at least to his face, and by “pleasantly” I mean “as pleasantly as you can” which actually is rarely ever), ask him for and accept his help (which he never denies you), let him buy you lunch, let him buy you dinner, let him treat you to an NBA game (not cheap, by the way), and still readily and knowingly accept any and all gifts he bestows upon you. “But don’t you dare think we’re friends. Just the thought of that would disgust me.” Huh?? If you don’t want to associate with someone, and want that fact to be clear, then don’t associate with that person. EVER. Don’t make up your own rules as you go along, consistently contradict yourself and your true wishes by regularly breaking those rules, and then cry FOUL when others seemed confused. Mixed signals, little girl, never help anything. Again though, that’s the cowardly, self-absorbed, middle-school aged schoolgirl mentality I didn’t realize I was dealing with. However, it all makes sense now, little girl.


    6) And, please, in God’s name, DON’T EVER, EVER, EVER, MISREPRESENT yourself…well…IN GOD”S NAME!!! EVER!!!

    I could take up 10 more pages on this one, but for the sake of time and space I’ll just say this. If you profess to be a Child of God, A Witness for Christ, someone who walks in His footsteps every step of her life…if you profess to be this person with your words (whether from your lips or through your writings), then BE THIS PERSON with your actions. If this is who you profess to be and you are not, then your words are meaningless. If this is what you profess your existence to be about and it is not, then your existence is meaningless. Actions speak louder than words. And from what I’ve seen, your bark is much worse than your bite, little girl. Very, very sad indeed. But don’t worry, I’ll pray for you little girl.

    ReplyDelete
  5. So there you have it. It was fun for me, was it fun for you?? And for clarity’s sake, using your own words as my template was done for a reason. You see, anyone can take anything and turn it around and manipulate it to fit one’s own personal agenda. Kinda like you Jesus-loving, raise-my-hands-high, scripture-quoting-but-don’t-ask-me-to-practice-what-I-preach, Sunday-worshipping Bible-thumpers love to do with The Bible. One of your better skills, I’ve noticed. But, I do realize I am a highly intelligent, well-spoken, intellectual human being, so I understand completely if your middle-school aged schoolgirl mentality can’t quite grasp this intellectual response and you’re standing there in your pull-ups and training bra shouting “I said NO MEAT!!!” I seriously would understand, LITTLE GIRL. But, on the off chance tu comprender mi respuesta, the ball is now in your court LITTLE GIRL. Serve received, volley returned. Your move LITTLE GIRL. Unless, of course you decide to just take your ball and run your LITTLE-GIRL self allllllll the way home to daddy. I would bet everything I have on the latter. After all, quitting, not following through, skirting responsibility, canceling commitments, not being real, using, lying, deceiving, manipulating, back-stabbing, and stomping on friendships seems to be your norm. But what else should I have expected from a neurotic, two-faced, hypocritical LITTLE GIRL?

    Adios, muy PEQUENA CHIQUITA!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I cannot speak to the things that have happened between you because I was not there and I try to stay in my own business as much as possible. But since you have not made this a public situation I will comment. I will keep it brief because I am sure you will not listed to anything I say anyways but I'll try nonetheless. There were so many things wrong with these comments it would take me hours to pick them all apart so I am not going to do that. What I will comment on is the fact that you called her a "little girl" close to 5,632 times (maybe a slight exaggeration but not by much). You re over compensating and are upset with the way things have transpire. I understand that but that is not a reason for you to react the way you have. You cannot control how other people respond to you but you can and are responsible for you actions. Which is why my sister will not respond to you (I have not talked with her concerning this yet but I will and that will be my big sister advice, which she will follow) not because she is running or afraid or even feeling guilty by your comments and accusations. But because eventually somebody has to stop the dialog and obviously her telling you to LEAVE HER ALONE was not clear enough for you. to you that meant ok we cant be friends but surely I can still post SEVEN LONG comments on her personal blog. So from where I am sitting you seem to be the delusional one not her. I could be wrong because as you stated "we are her support system and cannot see her for who she is" which by the way you are wrong about. Yes we are each others support system but we are well aware that we are all HUMANS and we all make mistakes and have flaws. None of us are perfect and we don't pretend to be or pretend the others are. So maybe you should learn about who you are speaking about before you say things because chances are you have it wrong.

      And seeing as you are a mature intelligent adult you should be well aware of the fact that friendships/ relationships end for all kinds of reasons, big and small. It is a part of life and even those with a middle school mentality know that. Actually they may know it better than most. They are also the people who call each other names openly and carelessly. Which sir is what I have witnessed you doing, we all have a little middle schooler in us wen we get upset. So while I am not under the delusion that anything I said will change you mind about how you remember situations or how you act going forward I can hope they will. Please do what ever you think is necessary. If you must sue, then sue.

      This post was also part of a movement for to being recognition to that fact that ALL women have been harassed at one time or another. and have been made into the bad gal for not being interested in advances made on them. So thank you very much for playing right into that and proving that point.

      I hope you have a good day and move on from this lost relationship before it blows up into something that could have easily been avoided.

      Delete
    2. Thanks for your insight Alex. Well said. A clarification, though. Your sister has not been harassed, and has not been made out to be the bad gal. I have not had contact with her in two months and have moved on long ago. Not once have I ever spoken a bad word about her. I visited some former coworkers at CitySquare last week and while I was there I dropped off a graduation present to your sister that I had been holding onto for weeks. I was accompanied by a supervisor at all times and only stayed a few minutes. I then received a call the next business day from said supervisor and was told of damaging, false remarks made by your sister against my character and threats made by your sister to call the police because she feared for her safety. I do not deserve that. I have done nothing wrong. Yes, maybe this post is a little overboard, but I do not take unwarranted allegations and threats against me lightly. Hopefully this is the last word on the matter, but that is clearly up to Natasha, not me. Take care, Alex.

      Delete
  6. 6/6/2014

    To: Natasha L’nei Hancock

    NOTICE: Your recent attacks of false accusations, slanderous delusions, and fictitious lies aimed at defaming my character are untrue, unfounded, and uncalled for. Your reckless and careless behavior is damaging to my name and reputation and must stop. Consider this an official demand for you to cease and desist with such activity immediately. If action is not taken by you to cease and desist immediately, I will have no choice but to respond accordingly.

    ReplyDelete

 
Blogging tips