6.25.2014

Hey Beyonce, maybe not all the single ladies want, need, or should have a ring...


When you get to be a twenty-five year old, single, church-going woman, you hear all kind of things... Mostly those things have to do with your age in correlation to your marital status and how you're lacking offspring. Those things might also include some well-meaning individual(s) boldly proclaiming that he (meaning your one true love) is on his way, searching for you and will rescue you in God's perfect timing. That you must make sure you are ready and waiting around for him, and only when you are right with God, he'll show up to sweep you off your feet. Gag me, please.

While marriage and babies are all good and well, I have a few gripes surrounding the assumption that says that single women should be married. Just call me, Feminist Tasha, for this post. Here are some thoughts I have about asking someone why they aren't married yet.

Maybe I don't want to be married. (Disclaimer: I do want to get married one day. Anyone that knows me knows that. But for argument's sake, let's say I didn't want to get married.) How frustrating would it be having to explain myself over and over and over and over and over again that I don't want to be married? You guessed it: very frustrating. If a woman wants not to get married, then what's it to you? Her lack of interest in marriage doesn't mean she's incomplete or not right with God, it doesn't mean she had a bad childhood, it doesn't mean that something is wrong with her. *it could mean all those things, but it doesn't have to mean that* It's sort of like repeatedly asking couples when they are going to have a baby. Maybe they don't want a baby. Maybe they, as a couple, decided that it's not for them. Leave them alone. Who made you the baby police?

Maybe I want to be married, but it just hasn't happened yet for whatever reason. Believe me, single women that want to get married but are not married yet are well aware of their singleness... even if they have a life and are not consumed by their singleness. They might even hear, though faintly, the biological clock going off somewhere in the distance. What they don't need is a weekly reminder from you that the timer is hastening to an end. To use the aforementioned married couple you keep bugging about the baby as an example, maybe they haven't been able to conceive yet, and your question just reminds them of the fact that her period came again yesterday. Doesn't that make you feel better? Maybe I'm too busy, maybe I'm focusing on my education or my career right now, maybe I'm not ready to be a wife and a mother yet, maybe I haven't found a guy worth marrying yet. When I get married, I want it to be for my whole life, forgive me if I take a while to find someone capable, willing, and worthy. For whatever reason a girl isn't married yet, what's it to you? Again, who made you the marriage police?

And lastly, maybe it's not in God's cards for me. I know, I know... I just heard the collective gasp. How dare I speak such things... But seriously, nowhere in the Bible does God promise that Natasha will have a husband. He surely didn't say she'd have him before she was twenty-five...*and if you see that in your Bible, let me know 'cause Jesus has some 'splainin' to do* He did say that he would give me the desires of my heart... Now, I might be messing that one up because I'm not sure that a husband is my heart's desire. I know, stone me. My heart's desire is to boldly live for Christ. My heart's desire is to introduce people to Jesus. My heart's desire is to spend eternity with my beloved. My parents didn't raise me right if my heart's desire was supposed to be to have a husband (thanks, parents)Jesus also said that he came to give me an abundant life. Maybe you've bought into the lie that society preaches about women needing to get married. Maybe you think a life lived without marriage is not a life at all. Maybe you think because you got married, everyone else should. But the truth is you can have an abundant life without having a spouse... Just ask Jesus (you can argue that he will marry the Church, but you get my drift), The Wright Brothers, Beethoven, Isaac Newton, Joan of Arc, Susan B. Anthony, or Clara Barton. The truth is that a life can have value and be complete without it ever having a husband in it. And the truth is just because it worked for you, doesn't mean that it works for everyone. Sure a spouse can add joy to your life... but it can definitely drain your joy too. Just ask any divorced person. So, while marriage might be great (for you), maybe God has different & better plans (for me). *Not that not marrying is better overall, but that marriage isn't always better for a person*

Please don't take me as a crier in the streets saying that women should never marry, should never shave, and should have lots of cats. Not at all. I believe in the institution and sanctity of marriage (thanks, parents, for holding down that marriage for 29+ years). I believe women have value as wives and mothers, just as they have value as doctors and teachers, and just as they have value if they are both. And besides, I don't even like cats. Although, I would be okay if I never shaved again...

*This is not written with a particular person in mind. Nor is it meant to be encompassing of all women's feelings on the matter. It is, however, written to a collective society that teaches that girls should get married and be wives and that their value is wrapped up in whether or not they have a ring on their finger, instead of teaching them that they should be whole, productive, functioning members of society whether a ring is involved or not.*

Linking up with the Fresh Friday link-up, Annie & Natalie with #ThoughtsforThursdays, Treat yo' self, LYLS Thursday, All Things With Purpose, and No Rules Weekend Party.

12 comments:

  1. I feel like this should be printed and given to every 14 year old church going gal.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha I'll market it and start selling at Youth Camps ;)

      Delete
  2. Yes girl, all things yes. I hate the assumption that every God-loving woman feels the need for a husband and kids in their lives because, well, we all don't. Being a married couple without kids we constantly get questions at church about what we're waiting for (we've been married three years) and it just irritates me to no end! We're waiting to travel more, to spend more time together, to keep sleeping in on weekends, to have impromptu date nights. We're waiting for a time that feels MORE right for us despite what was right for them. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good for you, Amber! Marriage and children are such huge life decisions...it's crazy how many people feel they have the expertise to weigh in on the decision making for other people. Thanks for stopping by!

      Delete
  3. Very nicely said. Hollywood and romance novels have polluted the minds of most people and instead of focusing on living a life with purpose we are focused on finding somebody who will complete us so that we can live a life with purpose.

    I'm forever grateful that we had a dad instill some thugs in us that others didn't have. Maybe we should write a book and sell it?! Lol girls need confidence and to be told they are smart and creative and more than enough as well as beautiful. Shame on our society for championing beauty while sacrificing all substance.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Things* lol not thugs thank goodness!!!

      Delete
    2. I seriously laughed out loud at the some thugs part. Hahaha. Although he sure did give us some thugness hahaha

      Delete
  4. This is exactly how I have been feeling lately.
    All my friends are popping out babies, throwing engagement parties, getting hitched. My brother just had a baby boy. Now the whole family and society in general is asking me when I'm going to have one. Give me a break! I need a freaking man first and after that I'd just like to focus on solely falling in love. The rest will come in all good time.

    Thanks for speaking out about something that I'm sure is weighing on a lot of our shoulders right now xxx

    www.bohemianmuses.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jade my new friend! Thank you for the comment and the confirmation that I am not the only one feeling this way. Glad to be getting to know you! Thanks for stopping by! :)

      Delete
  5. I love this!!! Personally, I fall into the married without kids category and I'm so sick of the questions, however innocent or well meaning they may (or may not) be. It is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, people! If we are close enough, I'm probably talking, musing, thinking aloud about those things anyway, often with an air of cynicism that I'll ever be so incredibly blessed to experience motherhood. You live your life and I'll live mine. I'm happy for your individuality and freedom of choice, and I hope you afford me the same.

    ReplyDelete

 
Blogging tips